How Comparison Culture Is Killing Confidence
From a young age, I have always struggled with self-confidence and self-belief. I remember my mum grabbing me by the shoulders when I was around 12 or 13 and saying, “You need to start saying you can rather than can’t all the time.” It was, and still is, one of my biggest struggles in life.
I compare myself, my career, my relationships, my finances to others constantly. Even in high school, I compared myself to my friends: how easily they got attention from boys, how good they looked in a bodycon dress compared to me, and how I never quite measured up to them in my own head. It’s sad, because instead of talking about it, I hid my insecurities and my confidence plummeted. Looking back now, I know with absolute certainty that they were probably going through the exact same struggles I was.
And now, as a semi-adult, those confidence issues still affect me. Last year, I experienced the worst anxiety episode of my life, which resulted in me having to go on medication. I know a lot of people who know me would be shocked to hear this, as I’ve always been an outgoing girl. But honestly, the thought of speaking in a room full of people, even people I know well can make me feel physically sick.
Some people are born with the gift of the gab. Confidence comes naturally to them, and they thrive in public settings. I compare myself to them, which only highlights how much work I feel I need to do on myself. But if I took a moment to stop comparing myself to friends, family, or people I look up to, I could probably admit that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Instead of getting bogged down by where I should be next year or five years down the line, I could focus on appreciating today, the memories I’m making and the people I’m meeting right now.
The world is also so different from what it was 20 or 30 years ago. We see billionaires, models, influencers, and businesspeople plastered across our feeds 24 hours a day, and it’s exhausting. We’re constantly measuring our success against others. But not everything posted online is sunshine and rainbows, and I think we need to remember that more than we do.
Maybe confidence isn’t about suddenly waking up one day feeling fearless or completely sure of yourself. Maybe it’s just about giving yourself a bit of grace. About catching yourself mid-comparison and choosing, even briefly, to step out of it. We’re all figuring things out as we go, at different speeds, with different starting points, and very different highlight reels.
If we spent less time measuring ourselves against other people’s timelines and more time noticing our own small wins, we might realise we’re doing better than we think. So here’s your reminder (and mine): log off when you need to, celebrate the progress that no one else sees, and trust that you’re not behind, you’re just human.
To wrap this up, here are a few questions to ask yourself:
For those in your 40s or 50s: do you feel there’s more pressure now than when you were younger, with the rise of social media?
How can we protect ourselves from losing confidence and instead build ourselves up?
Do you compare yourself to others, and does it affect your confidence?
Ciao for now…
S x
